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Self Evaluation: Decompressed with a side of balance

Decompressing. That's what I would describe as my mood lately. I've been a wee bit stressed and I'm not exactly sure why. Sure, I can always say work, or lots of events going on outside of work, you know, feeling like I'm always go-go-going. Oh but what about a workout? Laundry? Reading/writing/editing??

But that is the world I live in, chosen indeed. The city I reside in is a fast paced, active place. Naturally, overwhelmed is a quick jump away from any location in these parts. But it is what I hate while loving it too. I think having lived here for eight years now, I find myself more in tune with this city like never before. I no longer get lost on highways or back streets, even in the heart of downtown, mind you. I feel the same sense of familiarity I knew so well from my hometown. Having spent 20 years in that city, now I'm over halfway to half of that here.

So, with all that defined, I am tired and stressed out. Stress is a fickle thing, really. It comes in stages, in waves, in bursts and fits. Sometimes it motivates, sometimes it suffocates. I'd say I'm in the middle place for it currently. I'm grateful for so much in my life and happy to be where I am. I also have more plans than ever in mind. I feel for the things I have accomplished this far, I've created 100 more goals or tasks to get done. OCD meet anxiety. I'm sure you two will be very happy together.

I'm trying to get back to basics and redefine some things. I believe clearing my head more often with some key things will enable me to re-balance:
-meditation
-spirited reflection
-more digital detoxification
-generate lots of good ol'endorphins

It's funny, about the things that stress me now compared to previous walks in my life. It's also scary to recognize the commonality of my own stressing. At 8, I was frustrated by not finding the right Barbie heel or evening gown; at 18 I was mad about a curfew or a crush; and at 28 I am anxious for life goals and building my version of an empire. Control. That is the common factor among it. I never realized I was so controlling. It's something I can't say I'm pleased to learn about myself. But, it is something I can work on and remind myself daily that things have a way of working out.

Ironically enough, Hunter was playing Lynyrd Skynyrd's Simple Man earlier today, and I tuned in right at the lines "Troubles will come, and they will pass." Between the words themselves and the smoothly jagged melody, it hit me how true that statement rings. It also kicked back in that my troubles are not bad troubles to have. My good severely outweighs the bad and it feels good to reconnect with that. I'm excited to flesh out the re-balancing act I have in mind and see what works. After all, I am embarking on my next transformation time frame. Onward to the 38 year old review!

Til we meet again,
M

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